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'I Wish I Could Tell My Mum'

Illustrated by Stuti Sen

Screenshot 2020-09-28 at 1.24.45 AM.png

City: Mumbai

Age: 23

Marital Status during Abortion: Unmarried

Number of Abortions: One


The Story
It was very unfortunate. I hooked up with a guy who was extremely drunk and
just finished inside me. I never even let boyfriends do that and the one time I
choose to do something I never do, (sleeping with strangers without protection
especially), I got pregnant. Strange thing is I’ve always had a feeling that I
could never get pregnant.
I had an emergency contraceptive pill within the next six hours but it didn’t
work. I skipped my period a couple of weeks later and I knew something was
wrong. I took the test and hoped I was in a bad dream. I immediately called my
sister and started crying. Took an off from work and ran to the gynaec. Tests
confirmed that I was pregnant but I was in the very early stages so it would not
have been an issue. I chose abortion with the pill. It was a surprisingly easy and
uncomplicated process though it definitely hurt, but felt like a very bad period -
again very early stages, I’ve heard grotesque stories of women who went
through this in later stages so I have been lucky. My mom still doesn’t know,
she would be extremely disappointed if she did. I come from an extremely
orthodox Muslim family and my dad would probably get me married within a
week if he found out, but I have been lucky to have the support system of
extremely loving and caring sisters. It was a very peaceful journey apart from
the crying and the guilt and regret, the trauma was only because I knew I had
done damage to my body and my recklessness just caused me a lot of shame.
I’ve always wanted to be pregnant and have kids, but I didn’t want my first
experience to be like this. Either way I have been extremely cautious ever since
and plan to keep it that way. I feel bad for women that don’t have sisters/friends
that can help them out, or women that can’t afford it. I called the guy to let him
know and made him pay for it :/ that’s the least he could do. Guys really need to
be careful. This could have ruined my life.

What I Wish Was Different

I wish I had just relaxed a little more. It was an extremely stressful time and my
body was already going through so much. I also wish I could share this with my
mother, it would have really helped. I don’t know whether I can ever tell her but
it’s such a personal and feminine experience that I want to share with my mum
considering she has 4 children.

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